Showing posts with label Home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Home. Show all posts

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Paint and hedgehogs...

Today was a momentous day in our house: the nursery is finally decorated and all finished. Curtains up, lamp shade changed, cot assembled, changing unit ready, walls painted, wallpaper border firmly stuck and tiny clothes hanging in the wardrobe. We went for a unisex woodland theme in the end. I love it - hedgehogs everywhere!


The Other Half even bought the hedgehog shaped rug I had been bleating on about for the last month.

It's all starting to feel very real and imminent. And with six and a bit weeks to go, I really should pack my hospital bag.

Just in case.

Monday, 22 June 2009

It's all so very twee...

Short post today as I can't really be bothered, if I'm frank. I promise to have interesting things to write about (and actually be arsed to write them) very soon. Ooh, actually, this is good news and worth shouting about: The Other Half started his new job today. Woohoo! Well done him, it hasn't taken him long at all really - and he's slogged his heart and soul out to find a decent role. And I'm not 100% sure exactly what the job is...something to do with online marketing?? I'll really have to learn. Bad wife.

It was Fathers' Day yesterday - and I made The Other Half a little card from the bump. Overly-sentimental, syrupy and corny? Yes. But hell, this might only happen once so I feel no shame milking every soppy occasion for all its worth!

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

The cat's out of the bag (sort of)...

The Other Half's tireless networking away seems to be paying off, and he's had some very productive days of late. He's already had some interviews which he feels quite positive about, so fingers crossed he should hear something by the end of the week one way or another. Yay! Speaking of work - well, the cat's out of the bag and my work know that I'm knocked up now.

Actually - only a select and necessary few know, as I've had to be risk assessed due to the nature of elements of my role. (Namely lugging about five million boxes of marketing print about the building to find a home for it on a giant warehouse trolley and climbing up ladders in all weathers to change horrid concert posters. Oh yes. You can see now what my MA is for.) I think I scared my line manager - am pretty sure by the panic-stricken look in her eyes that she thought I'd called a meeting with her and HR to announce that I was either a) leaving or b) making a formal complaint. But it's good to scare them sometimes.

I also managed to raise a few eyebrows at my parents' pad over the weekend as I didn't have any wine when the family were round for tea. Should have said I was on antibiotics or something. Instead, I muttered something incoherent about not feeling very well. Damn. Can't wait until this cloak and dagger business is over.

Thursday, 2 April 2009

Like that bit in Superman when the Hoover Dam bursts...

Back in early March, I somewhat stupidly wrote a post about how well our bathroom renovation seems to be going. What in the name of all that is good and holy was I thinking of?! I've cursed my house! Well, you might have gathered that things aren't in fact running smoothly at all. For starters, it's taken almost a month to reach a point that's somewhere near a finished product (and almost a month of strategically planning when is a safe time to nip for a wee amongst the building rubble that has taken over the place), and just when we thought everything was pretty much finished last night and therefore safe to turn the water back on...it turns out it wasn't. Oh no.

Water erupted from every possible mechanical orifice that it could. Like geysers, only colder. And indoors. The bathroom is flooded, and in turn - so is the kitchen as that's the room directly below the bathroom and the laws of gravity had to carry the water somewhere. Then, we tried turned the water off completely at the stopcock in the kitchen - alas, to no avail. It just kept turning! And water kept gushing! There's now a tidal wave downstairs being haphazardly collected by a bucket wedged under the leaking tap, while people who I hope know what they are doing are busy freezing pipes to replace the broken stopcock. And have dug up several floorboards in the process. Argh!

This has resulted in me having to work from home today in order to empty out the overflowing bucket of water from the busted pipe every twenty minutes - and an email of much ambiguity went around my colleagues proclaiming that I wasn't in the office today "due to plumbing problems". I foresee having to explain several times over tomorrow that this was not a euphemism. Sigh. I hope this is fixable sharpish. All I wanted was a working bathroom - that's not too much to ask for, is it?

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Top o' the morning to ya...

I love an excuse to get into the kitchen and whip something different up, and last night was no exception! OK, I did have a reason. Wait - I'll rephrase that. I FOUND a reason. Yesterday was our 'official' 7th anniversary (i.e. the day we actually first went out together), and also St. Patrick's Day. And while neither myself nor The Other Half have any Oirish ancestry or links whatsoever, I thought what the heck and decided to try my hand at some Celtic cuisine for the occasion. Here's what I cooked up a storm with:

Soda Bread
Ok, I ran out of time to actually make this myself but it looks simple enough! And the supermarket coughed up a pretty good alternative to homemade.

Beef and Guinness Stew
I adjusted the quantities for two people, and used a mixture of button and chestnut mushrooms as I didn't have shiitakes. Plus I chucked in some chunks of carrot to pad it out a bit.

Colcannon cakes
So simple to make and could go on the side of lots of meals. I used the bacon to top them - but if you were veggie you could always sprinkle with grated strong cheese instead.

Cheesecake with Irish whisky sauce
This was delicious (we had to wait a wee bit of time to actually attempt to eat it, however - we were soooo full up after the stew!) and I'm not a whisky fan, but this was absolutely divine.

Yum, yum and yum again. I don't think I'll be waiting until next year for St. Paddy's Day to come around before I make this little lot again.

Sunday, 8 March 2009

What's shakin' baby...

Things have been a tad hectic of late, so here's the craic from this week in easy-to-digest chunks:

The seven year itch?
Not a sign of it, huzzah! On Monday, The Other Half and I realised that it was 7 years to the day since we met. (Whilst very inebriated at a party.) Although not our 'official' anniversary (we started dating on St. Patrick's Day), we celebrated with homemade spicy Thai burgers. Well, why not?

The bathroom saga continues
By god, does it. Nothing is ever simple in our house - it's going to take a lot longer to finish than we all thought due to fiddly little jobs that are taking ages to do. The plus side is: we now have working lights in there, yessss! Now for the ceiling, the vanity unit and all the tiling and grouting...

Hospitals smell
The Other Half had his annual heart check-up at l'hopital on Thursday (hole in the heart baby with another weirdly named defect I can't remember how to spell). This was doubly good as they said all is well with him, and because I tagged along - this got me out of a hideous networking event with work. Groovy.

Birthdays times two
It was my Dad and his twin sister's birthday on Tuesday (happy birthday, Daddy) and last night there was a family get-together using the occasion as an excuse. (Not that they need one.) Thankfully this time, family members refrained from horrifying me with all-too-detailed tales about distant relatives' personal lives. And we had cake. Yum.

The wig hunt
Next week we're at a party for my friend's birthday (and a sort of housewarming in her new flat, too). The theme is Father Ted, probably the funniest show in the world ever bar none. I'm now rooting through all manner of junk in the house in an attempt to assemble costumes, but we still need to go on a wig hunt to replicate Father Jack's hair.

Monday, 2 March 2009

The bathroom blitz...

Groan. We’re doing our bathroom up. I say we – what I mean is, my Dad is the builder extraordinaire; my Uncle the electrician is (surprisingly enough) fitting the spotlights; The Other Half is the labourer and I am the on-call tea and biscuits girl. There have been the usual mishaps of things not fitting how they’re supposed to, missing parts, wonky fittings and damaged panels…but nothing compared to the chaos that would have ensued had The Other Half and I been left to our own devices.

In our previous abode (the little flat), we attempted to spruce the bathroom up ourselves with some new flooring. Only we had no money whatsoever so ended up with some delightful ‘tile effect’ lino. Lovely. For reasons unknown, we used the old carpet that was down (who has carpet in a bathroom, for goodness’ sake? It’s very, very wrong! It was glued up the bath panel and everything!) as a template to cut from, and forgot that the design would therefore be inverted. We ended up with a fetching gaping hole in the wrong place that had to be covered with a bath mat at all times to hide our mutual incapability with DIY.

Things could be worse. At least after this, we'll actually have a ceiling instead of gaping plasterboard holes, and fully functional lights instead of a lone dangling bulb with exposed cables. Still, having to strategically time going for a wee is not my thing, really. But it'll be worth it. I hope.

Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Auld Lang Syne...

Happy New Year! (A bit early, I know, but I have plans to sit on my backside all evening eating sushi and watching films.) My plans with friends have fallen through but to be honest I'm not really bothered - today I am taking advantage of my new cookbooks (in particular, the one about how to make your own sushi - really looking forward to rustling up some homemade norimaki rolls) and am generally pottering about doing not much besides watch cack films, and will be singing along badly to the party tunes that are sure to grace the airwaves on every radio station across the land.

I have a feeling my sushi-hating folks may make an appearance later on, and I will be kicking out my Other Half into the street (most likely in his knocking-about-the-house shorts and t-shirt combo) just before midnight to be our first-footer, but that's about it. I quite like not having plans tonight. It doesn't feel as forced. Anyway, whatever you're doing and whoever you're with - hope you have a good one. Here's to 2009; may it bring everything you wish for.

xx

Sunday, 28 December 2008

'Twas the night before Christmas...

Hello all, hope everyone had a fantabulous Christmas and Boxing Day and that Santa has been good to you. (I must say he was very good to me and brought me all manner of domestic goddessy things - cookbooks, foodie things, and a matching apron and oven glove set which is 1950s meets 1980s - black with bright multicoloured polka dots - so very me!) We've had a hectic one - visiting his folks' for Christmas lunch, mine for the evening, and all manner of family in between. Today, The Other Half and I finally caught our breath at home and did the dishes...from Christmas Eve. We appalled even ourselves. Every glass vessel in the house (including some bowls and a vase) had been utilised. Still, a good night was had by all.

It's becoming a sort-of tradition (in that this is only the second time it happened) that we play host to our friends for a bring-a-bottle-games-and-nibbles night on Christmas Eve. Last year, the old roulette wheel and casino table had an airing and the nibbles consisted of anything I could knock up from our only- recently-moved-into kitchen cupboards which were a bit bare, to say the least. Anyway, this year we had a bit more preparation time. I finished work on 23rd (until 5th Jan - whoop!) and we both spent Christmas Eve getting the house ready and rustling up some grub for 11 hungry people. (Recipes to the right and down a bit - the dolmades and canapes in particular went down a treat.)

Well, the Christmas tunes were on loop; drink flowed and the food was polished off; The Other Half spilt his thumb open on an exploded can and spent the night with a comedy cartoon-eqsue bandage adorning said digit; but the hysterics really started when game time began. We played giant pictionary in 'Win, Lose or Draw' girls-vs-boys stylee on a flip chart someone (who will remain nameless) pilfered from work, and had to contend drawing such anomalies as 'God' (you try drawing a 'concept'), 'Guam', 'Tipperary', 'Stephen Fry' and 'Vincent Van Gogh'. (Friend C who had to draw Van Gogh was very good actually - his team were just rubbish and didn't guess in time. He'd drawn the Sunflowers on an easel, and a one-eared man with a pair of scissors and everything. His team were baffled and the guesses included 'Spock' and 'Willy Wonka'. I don't have a clue why, either.)

Here's hoping next Christmas Eve is just as fun. Ideas for games on a postcard, please!


A collage completed by everyone at the end of the evening.
I can't quite remember exactly why Rudolph is being rogered
by Santa; but I'm sure there's a logical explanation.

Saturday, 13 December 2008

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas...

OK, we've had a flurry of snow (not a lot, and it didn't last very long - but enough to render half the office unable to come into work); it's cold and icy outside; our Christmas tree is standing proud and bedecked with twinkly trinkets in the newly-decorated lounge (after an ordeal and a half trying to get the damned thing to fit in its stand - neither of us had the sense to take a tape measure with us when selecting a tree - that'd be too easy); I've started the Christmas shopping (online - I can't face the shops just yet but may have to at some point) and have more festive gatherings to attend than I can shake a stick at. Christmas is here.

What could possibly make me feel even more Christmassy than I already do? Christmas films, of course! After a viewing of Home Alone today I'm all warm and fuzzy inside and hungry for more holiday cheer. So I've dug out these old favourites for more festive film fun this week:

  • Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York: Essentially the same plot in each (self-explanatory if you haven't seen them - an obnoxious but cute and resourceful child being left alone by mistake over the holidays), but so so Christmassy. I want to live in Kevin McCallister's house. And fantastic seasonal soundtracks - Chuck Berry's 'Run Rudolph Run', Brenda Lee's 'Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree', Bobby Helms' 'Jingle Bell Rock'...they're all here.
  • It's a Wonderful Life: The quintessential feel-good film, you can watch this at any time of the year to lift your spirits. James Stewart is perfect in the role of his life - suicidal family man George Bailey who is shown what life would be like had he never existed by a trainee angel named Clarence. It sounds bleak and desperate - but you'll have to watch the uplifting ending for yourself.
  • The Muppet Christmas Carol: Just genius. The retelling of Dickens' A Christmas Carol by Kermit, Gonzo and co. Full to bursting of sing-along songs (look out for the singing vegetables in the opening number - all together now "There goes Mr. humbug, there goes Mr. Grim...if they gave a prize for being mean, the winner would be HIM!") and muppet humour, plus a camp performance of Ebeneezer Scrooge by Michael Caine.
  • Scrooged: An underrated gem. A very 80s version of A Christmas Carol, with Bill Murray taking sarcasm to a new level as the Scrooge of the story, TV network president Frank Cross. Has a very sugary ending but I don't care - the one-liners and Carol Kane's Ghost of Christmas Present are worth it alone.
  • The Nightmare Before Christmas: Bizarre and typically Tim Burton - Jack Skellington, the King of Halloweentown, discovers a portal to Christmas Town and takes over - kidnapping Santa and delivering his own scary presents to bewildered children. But he finds the true meaning of Christmas and sets out to make amends. Creepy and Christmassy.
  • Gremlins: Not really a Christmas film in its theme, but set at Christmas and has a brilliant Phil Spector-Motowny soundtrack featuring Darlene Love et all. Quite gruesome in places (the death-by-kitchen-appliances scene for some of the pesky critters springs to mind) but hilarious and filled with blink-and-you-miss-them moments.
I'm off to snuggle up on the sofa with the cat, a blanket and some hot chocolate. Bliss. I may never go out again.

Sunday, 7 December 2008

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

The festive season is upon us. There's a whisper in the air about the office Christmas party; and while the group of stupid ditzes in my place of work (every office has such a group of empty-headed bints) are already whining about the lack of decent party clothes in the shops and swapping details of their latest idiotic crash diets - I'm happy to report that my diary is filling up nicely with get-togethers and drinks. Both myself and The Other Half are feeling more festive this year. Last year, we hadn't been living in our new pad for very long and were still unpacking when Christmas descended upon us - hence a hastily decorated tree was shoved up in the living room and cards were forgotten about.

In fact, both The Other Half and I have already had our first Yuletide gatherings and we're starting to feel very Christmassy. On Wednesday I had a long-overdue catch up with my two bestest gal buds from my MA - and we gossiped for a long, long time about all sorts and put the world to rights several times over. The Other Half had his official work do (he thinks there may be several Christmas lunches as well over the coming weeks)...and it was fancy dress. Cue some crazy shopping, and my good self and our friend J making a pink frilly tutu for a 6"5 bloke so he could go dressed as Ace Ventura. It worked. J's sewing skills are far superior to mine. Bizarre just doesn't sum up the sight of seeing a grown man dressed in a ballerina/Hawaiian shirt combo.


I have it on good authority that my Other Half danced like this.

Last night we headed out to stay over the new gaff of some pals - and got to meet their new dog, a five-month old Labrador named Charlie. Very cute and boisterous. Ate my shoe. And when we were unpacking and getting ready for bed, he broke into our room and ran off with The Other Half's jeans. Then socks. Then trainers. And proceeded to get his head stuck in our bag when he ran out of things to steal. This morning we all experienced something you'd rather not at this time of year - the holiday hangovers. I fear there may be many more to follow.

Sunday, 9 November 2008

I wish you hadn't told me that...

Today would have been a lazy Sunday - time to recover from the previous evening's escapades - had we not impulsively decided to redecorate the living room. More on that later. Anyway, I'm not recovering from last night in the alcohol sense (although there was alcohol involved, but mercifully my tongue was not loosened sufficiently by it to make a spectacle of myself), more recoiling in horror at what was disclosed to me. Things I will not repeat. Ever. Things people had no business telling me and I may well spend a lifetime trying to shake the imagery out of my head. You see, I attended a family party. Now, family parties can be civilised affairs. Admittedly, something will usually happen as most family get-togethers are celebratory situations. The drunken uncle at the wedding who insists you dance to Come on Eileen with him; the old Gran whose teeth fall out after too many sherries at the Christening; or whatever.

Last night's soiree started out civilised. Then the drinks flowed and I had nowhere to hide. It was a housewarming/birthday joint party and the first time many family members had all been in the same room for quite some time. Lots to catch up on. I just didn't expect to catch up in so much detail. I'm quite saddened that I've reached that certain age where the elders are comfortable to tell x-rated tales in front of me. I'd have preferred to remain an innocent. I don't mind hearing about a second cousin once removed who has left his wife, or the misdemeanours of another distant relative. However, the full graphic glory of said cousin's, er, marital relations and the carnal penchants of the another is something I need not know, thank you. And hearing my mother dearest and my aunt using profanities was something I was not at all prepared for. Good grief. They'd have washed my mouth out with soap had I used such language.

So, yes. Somewhat spontaneously, we've decided to decorate. And miracle of miracles, so far have agreed on everything straight up. Job one is re-hauling the lounge - painting the walls, new lamps, sofas - bells and whistles. This room was relatively untouched when we moved in, and it's high time we put our own stamp on things. We've been staring at white walls for over a year. The down side is DIY shops - soul sucking places. You may as well move into one when you're redecorating - you go to all the trouble of using paint charts and swatches and everything, get home and realise you've forgotten the brushes. I'm consequently going to be broke until about July now thanks to this home make-over, but at least my thoughts are occupied with paint colours instead of the disturbing images planted there by my kith and kin.

Friday, 31 October 2008

Something wicked this way comes...

Okay, I have a bowl of mini-chocolaty things so tiny that if they weren't packaged, they'd be invisible; a carved pumpkin which may look like roadkill, but I've named him Eric and hope he's happy with my rubbish orange-scented tea light candles which actually smell more like petrol that anything citrussy; a black cat (who happens to be asleep, but never mind) and a pile of scary DVDs. I think I'm all set for Halloween. But what are these scary flicks, you may ask? (You may not be asking, of course, but I'm going to tell you anyway.) Well, some of them aren't so scary. But I class them as seasonal fun. And it wouldn't be Halloween without them.

  • Halloween - well, obviously this one has to make an appearance. It'd be rude not to invite the original and best stalk n slash (in my opinion) along. With its tinkly soundtrack and baddie with a spray-painted mask, it's creepy with a capital C. See if you can spot the director's cigarette smoke in the shot where Michael hides behind the hedge. Always makes me smile.
  • Arsenic and Old Lace - an oldie, but a goodie. Newlywed Cary Grant takes his missus to meet his two kindly old spinster aunts, only to discover they are in fact homicidal maniacs and who have been bumping off their gentlemen callers and hiding the bodies around the house. Much screwball hilarity ensues.
  • Sleepy Hollow - I *heart* Tim Burton. You can spot one of his movies at 50 paces - they're all so visually stunning and weird. A strange little village is being terrorised by The Headless Horseman, so Johnny Depp is sent to employ order to this nonsense and solve the mystery. Christopher Walken plays the Horseman, complete with delightful filed-into-points teeth. And there's a lovely not-for-the-squeamish autopsy scene.
  • Carrie - a bit contrived it may be, but I love the Stephen King book and I love the film. Those girls were so evil to her! Carrie's mother is a truly terrifying religious nutcase and I won't spoil the ending for anyone who hasn't seen it, but my cousin almost wet herself when we stealthily watched this together as 10 year olds.
  • Hocus Pocus - my last, and highly embarrassing entry to this list. The kid from Eerie, Indiana (remember that? It rocked) accidentally brings back three hanged Salem witches from the dead to the modern day, where they try to steal the souls of children on Halloween in order to stay alive. You couldn't get much camper than Bette Midler (complete with a token song and dance routine), pre-SATC Sarah Jessica Parker and Kathy Najimy (the overtly happy nun from Sister Act) as the three witches, but it's lots of Disney fun.


Right, I'm armed with popcorn and off to the sofa. I just hope I get SOME little trick or treaters knocking on my door to take these sweets off my hands. Jeeezus, I sound like the gingerbread house witch in Hansel and Gretel.

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Hello, darkness my old friend...

The nights are drawing in and the clocks have gone back, and my office is full of people complaining about getting up in the dark and leaving work in the dark. The car needed de-icing this morning. The winter cometh. It's fantastic! Cosy nights in are the business. But I was thinking, you really don't realise just how much you rely upon electricity for mundane things, especially when it's dark all the time. The other night we had a power cut of epic proportions (well, I say epic - it lasted for all of two hours. But the Law of Sod descended upon us and clicked the power off just as we'd settled down to watch a DVD).

Not just our house or even the street - it felt like the whole village had been knocked out when we stood outside and stared over a dark valley. The total blackness and rolling valley mist were quite creepy and atmospherical, and it would have been eerily quiet had it not been for the house alarms going off on their emergency power and the regulars in the pub down the road making their opinions on the matter known to all most profusely. None of this would have been so much of an issue in the summer - we'd have just gone outside and carried on as normal or lit the barbecue or something. But as it's October, I had to make do with trying to read a book by candlelight, which didn't last long. I got as far as three pages and gave up and went to bed - spilling my Ribena in the process. (Yes, I drink Ribena. No, I am not a five year old. Hey, it tastes nice.)

So, instead of counting sheep, I attempted to recall games you can play in the dark. And here they are (clean ones, people!):

  • Murder in the Dark - I can't remember exactly how to play this; but remember it at birthday parties in dark rooms. It involved some sort of murderer, detective and suspect shenanigans, but the rules escape me. I seem to recall testing out several 'death poses' and fake fainting, however.
  • Sardines - a version of hide and seek in the dark. One person hides and seekers move around in the dark whispering "sardines" and listening for a whispered response from the hidden person. Fairly boring, but there's the added danger of falling over something.
  • Pimped-up hide and seek - use glow sticks, those stupid fibre optic pen things you get at firework displays and torches to play hide and seek indoors or out. Again, could be interesting if your garden is filled with exciting things like ponds. Mine is not.
  • Ghost stories - a staple of pre-teen sleepovers, usually resulting in weaker members of the herd crying to go home for fear of the serial killer with a hook. Usually involved sitting in a circle taking turns to pass a torch around and tell a story. Many sweets were consumed.
  • Twister in the dark - does what it says on the tin. Things could potentially get a bit risque and you should really be careful where you put your foot. Ooh er.
  • Glow-in-the-dark cocktail party - not really a game, but this idea is wearing thin and I'm clutching at straws now. Use glow-in-the-dark martini glasses and provide glow-in-the-dark accessories for guests to wear. This sounds like more fun than games anyway. I'd happily swig a cocktail anytime, day-glo or otherwise.

Oh, I can't remember anything else. The power surge must have shorted out my head as well as my house. Perhaps that's why this working week is so supremely awful.

Thursday, 23 October 2008

There's a pox on my house...

There comes a time in every relationship when the inevitable happens. You’ve had the awkward meet-the-parents episodes and come out relatively unscathed; then came the declarations of love and joined-at-the-hip phase; then somewhere down the road you decided you don’t see each other nearly enough so you progressed to the merging of the things (and removal of the hideous artefacts like framed football tickets that the other brought into your newly shared abode). Life is good. Then comes that fateful day when one of you utters those dreaded words, the ones that strike fear into your heart and turn your blood to ice. ‘Argh - I’m going to be sick! Quick – get out of the bathroom!’

I have heard this sentence before – several times, in fact. Usually after a Christmas night out, the details of which are too gruesome to describe. But this phrase has chilled me for almost a week now. Last Thursday, I came home from a very lovely get together in town with my gal pals; the first time I’d seen them since hearing Uma Thurman wee. We giggled over coffees and discussed all manner of things over seafood pasta and interestingly titled pizza (which tasted even better half price – the wonders of finding offers on Handbag.com); such as mishaps with fabric softener and one friend’s amusing – yet slightly sinister – interview at work to attend a first aid course. All was well in the world. Opening the front door on my return home, however, I was greeted with a grunt from my very green looking Other Half who then hogged the bathroom all the live long night crying huey until the small hours.

This continued until Sunday, when my body decided that apparently this all looks like great fun and didn’t want to miss out on the action. Cue three days of me hugging the porcelain and feeling decidedly green. This alone would have been monstrous enough, but two people sharing a bathroom and having to time their Exorcist-projectile spurts was quite frankly, horrific. And so, the immortal line was uttered on several occasions, but unfortunately on at least one of those occasions it was impossible and the other had to deflower the sink. I won’t say who. But it later came to one of us ridding the poor sink of the products of heaving with bleach whilst donning a rubber glove.

Co-habiting is not for everyone. A note to self for the future - seek a home with two bathrooms.


P.S. I have now wasted a considerable amount of money buying a certain magazine with a dedicated ‘Spotted’ page, scanning carefully for a mention of my superstar pee excitement. How dare they deem the whereabouts of Dean ruddy Gaffney and his dog and long forgotten nobodies from series 4 of Big Brother wearing wellies more important Spotteds than mine. I’ll still have a nosy next week though, most likely. Just in case.

 
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