Yesterday, whilst congregating and gossiping around the kettle in the office kitchen with several of my regular kettle-attendees for the umpteenth time that day (don't tell my boss), it struck me that the workplace is not unlike school. And the more I thought about it, the more comparisons I could make. Maybe I've seen Mean Girls too many many times.
School: The classy house-block loos were the place to bitch every break time.
Office: We meet in the kitchen to gossip several times a day.
School: Passing notes to friends in classes when bored about who we fancy.
Office: Write chain emails to equally bored colleagues about anything.
School: If you didn't do your homework your teacher shouted at you and put you on detention.
Office: Miss a deadline and your boss yells at you; you then have a silent cry in the toilets.
School: Sit at several desks throughout the day, often covered in graffiti and chewing gum.
Office: Sit at a desk. A very messy one with an overflowing in-tray.
School: Spend pocket money on make-up, clothes, junk you don't need and nights out.
Office: Spend payslip on make-up, clothes, junk you don't need, nights out and the bills.
School: Have lunch in the cafeteria with your mates. Moan when the bell goes for lessons again.
Office: Have lunch in the cafe with your pals. Moan when you can only manage a half-hour break.
School: Complaining to your PE teacher that you had terrible cramps would never get you out of cross country.
Office: Complaining about period pains in an office full of women gets you off nothing.
School: Watch new episodes of 'Friends'.
Office: Watch the endless repeats of old 'Friends' episodes on E4.
School: Reading magazines by stealth - under desks, behind textbooks etc - and giggling at the problem pages.
Office: Reading Digital Spy and Heatworld online, and closing the screen when someone important walks past. Forward on the articles with the celebrity shock-factor.
And the sad thing is, that after seven years of school and sixth form, four of uni and three of full-time work so far... I'm just as unmotivated now as I was then. And just as clumsy. At school I'd often walk into doors, fall off seats and drop things. Today, I'm well know for being completely unable to text-and-walk; frequently sit down where there is no seat; and yesterday I tripped over someone's bin and was caught by a quick-witted colleague who exclaimed very loudly that I'd just 'kicked the bucket.' Sigh.
